Saturday, January 14, 2006

Posting intimate thoughts

I have come to appreciate that blogging allows people to post their most intimate and personal thoughts for all the world to see. Within the past two days three blogfriends have posted their anguish about friends or family who have died, were dying, or left.

These posts affected me in a meaningful way because even though I have never met these three blogfriends face-to-face, I still felt their agony. And, I understood it.

In looking at the comments left by these blogfriends' correspondents, I found nothing trite or mocking in their heartfelt posts. At first I felt shy about leaving any sort of comment, but also felt saying nothing would have meant I didn't care enough to give that part of me that I could -- my sympathy for their pain.

Each of us has regrets and sorrows about things that have happened to us. We also handle grief differently. Some of us cry while watching emotional or touching scenes in movies and some of us have hardened our hearts over the grieving process. We grieve for a lost family member or loved one, even a pet, or we grieve over incidents that we had no control over. Grieving is about loss and we all handle this emotion in our own unique way.

I'm a big crier, always have been and always will be. The first time I was faced with the death of a family member was when I was about 24. One morning my mother woke me up and said that my grandfather -- my beloved grandfather who I absolutely adored -- had died. I started crying right there in front of my mother and the suddenness of my emotions took me completely by surprise. I don't think that my mother held me, patted me on the arm, or even said she understood. Later, at the funeral, when I saw my grandfather in his casket I broke down crying and could not stop. The pain I felt was like a knife piercing my heart. This emotion was so intense, I tear up just thinking about it.

To this day I don't think I have ever been affected so profoundly by death. My grandfather's passing caused me to re-examine my beliefs about death and dying, heaven and hell, and what life is all about.

We live on this earth but a heartbeat in the whole vast scheme of life. We cannot go back and change anything, we cannot live other people's lives for them, and we cannot prevent bad things from happening to others. It's all about destiny. Que sera, sera.

What we can do is appreciate every single day we have been alloted in this Heaven on Earth and love our family and friends with all our hearts. Love, beauty, kindness, and compassion are the only things that matter.


At January 14, 2006 7:39 AM, Blogger Tomas Dennis said...

Motherkitty has a way of saying things that I feel and have expressed to her. I love that about her. About three years ago I started finding people that I knew in the past and loved and wrote them my feelings about love and the way I cared for them.
I only have this moment and if in that moment I cannot love another human being then I have lived my life in vain. So I do agree with mother kitty.
We are the class of sixty.

At January 14, 2006 10:21 AM, Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

Motherkitty you have a way of expressing yourself like none other and you do it so well.

At January 14, 2006 1:21 PM, Blogger susan said...

Thanks for sharing that sad story and insight into your emotions.

At January 14, 2006 4:48 PM, Blogger Franny said...

My godfather passed away this year after a terrible illness, and it really makes you think about how finite life is. I recall a period where I raged at how God had made him suffer. Terrible confusion when he died. And then I feared dying. (I have 3 kids under 5 who NEED me.)

So know that you are not alone.

But seeing your thoughts on loss on "paper" is a comfort to all of us.


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