I'm in a strange mood

Strange things to ponder:

• What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?
• What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
• Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
• Do witches run spell checkers?
• Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
• When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
• When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses?
• When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?
• How come wrong numbers are never busy?
• Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
  

Now that I've got you thinking a little, here's some strange actual British signs (for your enjoyment, of course).

• Spotted in a toilet of a London office: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
• In a laundromat: Automatic washing machines: Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
• In a London department store: Bargain basement upstairs.
• In an office: Would the person who took the stepladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.
• In an office: After tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
• Outside a secondhand shop: We exchange anything -- bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?
• Notice in a health food shop window: Closed due to illness.
• Spotted in a safari park: Elephants please stay in your car.
• Seen during a conference: For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor.
• Notice in a field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.
• Message on a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
• On a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door -- the bell doesn't work.)