Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Going under the knife

I am now counting the days until I am admitted to the hospital for a total knee replacement. I have been nervous about this procedure because this is MAJOR surgery. They are going to be taking something of mine out that I was born with and replacing it with a metal device that I will have in my leg for the rest of my life.

My doctor is going to insert so much metal that he will give me, the lucky recipient, a card to present to the TSA gestapo at the airport to explain why all the metal detectors in the airport are going off as I approach Security.

Because I have been jittery about going under the knife, I have decided to face this ordeal with a little humor. Why? Because they tell me that laughter is the best medicine, and I need all the help I can muster at this point. So, here goes my feeble attempt to inject (pardon the pun) a little hospital humor into the situation.

Gee, I hope they let me wear my own nightgowns.

And, then there's this:

A lady goes into the hospital to have a very serious operation. While on the operating table undergoing preparation, she flatlines and soon finds herself standing before St. Peter. She begins to wonder what she is doing there.

“Are you sure that I’m supposed to be here, St. Peter?” St. Peter says, “Let me look at the Book of Life.” He looks carefully and says, “Why, no, my good woman, you’re not due here for 30 or 40 years!”

Suddenly, the lady wakes up in the OR and the doctor says, “Wow! We thought we had lost you! We’ve consulted here and we decided you don’t need this operation at this time.”

The lady hesitates and says, “Doctor, since I’m here and all prepped, could you perhaps see what you can do about this flabbiness under my arms? And, maybe give me a little tummy tuck and, oh, oh, how about these facial laugh lines?”

A week later, she is walking across the hospital parking lot when she is hit by a truck and killed. She again goes before St. Peter and says, “I thought you said I’m not due here for 30 or 40 years?”

St. Peter says, “I didn’t recognize you, my dear!”

One of the things I have to remember to do prior to surgery is shave my legs. It's getting on Spring now so I guess it's about time for that particular activity anyway.

They better have a really good pen in surgery so I can make notations on both knees. I certainly don't want him operating on the wrong knee. On my left knee I will write, "No. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200." On my right knee I will write, "Yes. Cut along this line. Do a good job and you can collect your $30,000.00 fee."

I also hope they have a lot of good drugs to give me. I need a vacation.


23 Comments:

At March 29, 2006 10:39 AM, Blogger Tomas Dennis said...

Very funny ICU in a moment.

 
At March 29, 2006 11:36 AM, Blogger doubleknot said...

Like your humor about your surgery. Don't worry when I had surgery on my left knee my doctor had to mark it and sign it and nurses, doctors, anyone who walked into to the room kept asking me which knee it was and when I said the left they nodded their heads like nope she didn't forget.
A few years ago my Aunt Pat had both of her knees replaced at one time. She had to learn to walk again but hasn't had much trouble with them since.
I like the picture I got in my head of you setting off the metal detectors at the airport - can you imagine security decending upon you - but you will have a card then they will wave their wand over you to make sure it is your knee.

 
At March 29, 2006 12:16 PM, Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

You know they never gave Brian a card yet for all the metal he has in his hip...they said they would but they never did.

You have to make light of this and laugh about it, otherwise you would drive yourself nuts with worry. Maybe we can all find some more jokes to pass along to you to make you laugh.

You have never given me the exact date of your surgery...only the month.

I love the ICU joke...that is just so funny. You know you'll be wearing a gown like that, don't you? Just kidding...they'll let you wear yours once your awake enough to realize that you want your own gown put on.

Very funny post with just a tad of seriousness.

 
At March 29, 2006 12:21 PM, Blogger Motherkitty said...

Sorry about the omission. Countdown is for April 10th, my birthday. Happy birthday present -- just what I wanted, a new knee. Comes in all sizes and colors.

 
At March 29, 2006 12:46 PM, Blogger bornfool said...

I think I may have told you this but a lady at my church had one knee replaced not long ago. She liked it so much, she's having the other one done soon.

And by the way, I was impressed with your recognition of Vincent Schiavelli on my post yesterday. Most people I'm sure recognized him as the subway ghost from "Ghost," but you knew him by name. I may need to re-think my Trivial Pursuit challenge.

 
At March 29, 2006 3:09 PM, Blogger jellyhead said...

I love the cartoon of the peekaboo gown! My advice is to ask for a second gown to wear over the top, round the other way, until you're actually hopping on the table (a kindly nurse offered this to me once before an op). Feels much more decent!

Motherkitty, your entire legion of fans (me included) will be thinking of you and crossing all our digits for you on April 10th, so that's got to be a good omen! In the meantime, we will be here to encourage you and reassure you until the big day comes.

:) Jelly

 
At March 29, 2006 5:59 PM, Blogger MrsGreenThumb said...

I think the notes on the knees are a good idea, they did that for John. I was reading about knee replacement and this is what it said: 90% of people who underwent the surgery had rapid improvement in pain and mobility. So buck up, it will soon be over and you can turn cartwheels again..oh, I guess that was in Miss Milne's class. :)

 
At March 29, 2006 6:01 PM, Blogger manababies said...

Count me in as one of the fans that Ms. Jellyhead mentioned :) I've heard many positive things about the procedure so I'm sure you'll do wonderfully! And LOL about the ICU cartoon.

 
At March 29, 2006 6:56 PM, Blogger Rachel said...

I'm sure you will do just fine. You are right, laughter is the best medicine! Loved the ICU gown! If you feel a breeze you better take cover! LOL

I love your previous post also with all the cat pictures. I love animals. Each cat has a personality all their own and dogs too. So amazing and they are such great companions!

 
At March 29, 2006 10:29 PM, Blogger Cathy said...

With your sense of humor you are going to do fine. Just like you I was nervous beforehand but was so happy when it was all over. I was in the hospital for 5 days and then released home. I did have some post-op complications that MOST people do not have. It caused me to be readmitted for a few days but nothing serious came of it.

The most important thing is to do the exercises! You really don't want to do them but a couple months down the road you will reap the rewards, and be very happy that you did. People who don't do the post-op PT afterwards have many problems and never lose their limp.

At 4 months post-op, from my TKR, my knee feels better than it has since the days of my early 20s. NO ARTHRITIS PAINS!!!

Progress is slow and steady but it does happen. don't get discouraged by the early days. Think in the terms of 3-4 months post-op when you will be walking straight and not having to deal with that arthritis pain everyday!!!..I

f any time after your surgery you want to ask any questions, from someone that has recently been there, please don't hestitate to ask me.

I will be thinking about you on the 10th. Please post as soon as you feel up to it....:)

Best of Luck....

Cathy (and her new knee)

 
At March 30, 2006 5:11 AM, Blogger susan said...

Keep up the good attitude, you will be fine. Will be thinking good thoughts on the 10th.

 
At March 30, 2006 9:04 AM, Blogger Sue said...

A good friend of ours had this done on his knees and it really helped him to get around better.
When my Mom had surgery on her eye they marked with marker the eye that needed the surgery. They want to be correct as much as you want them to be correct!
Hope all goes well!

 
At March 30, 2006 9:47 AM, Blogger TDharma said...

humor will get you through, my dear! I found you via your comment on the bums' blog.

I have a bad knee that will eventually need replacing...just think of yourself as the bionic being -- i've heard great things about this surgery.

Be well!

 
At March 30, 2006 11:19 AM, Blogger David Marc Fischer said...

Of course I don't know the exact condition of your knee...but it couldn't hurt to ask your doctor whether it's too late to try artificial cartilage injections. It's mainstream medicine, but not very well known yet. I don't know why that's the case. Basically, you get up to five injections (painless, especially compared to cortisone injections...but what isn't?), one per week. I don't know if it would apply to your case, but it can relieve some forms of knee pain for months.

Good luck whatever you do! I was just websurfing, noticed this post, and thought I'd share the info.

 
At March 30, 2006 12:40 PM, Blogger TUFFENUF said...

There is nothing worse than pain filled knees. I hope your surgery goes well, and that you will be up and running soon! We will all be a crutch for your spirit as we wish you the best of luck. Thank God for modern medicine, we can now have things replaced. Our grandparents just had to suffer through.

 
At March 30, 2006 8:02 PM, Blogger Franny said...

Good luck with your surgery...it's nice that you can maintain your sense of humor in spite of your concerns.

And it will be alright...and you'll be back to your old self in no time.

Anyone got a laptop Motherkitty can borrow so she can blog from the hospital?!!??

 
At March 30, 2006 8:32 PM, Blogger Ciardra said...

Good luck. By the way, do you still have that geneology chart way back from Alison's wedding (yes, I remeber it. It's a big deal when you're six to be in a wedding.) We're going over geneology in Home Ec. (why, i don't know) and I wanted to see if you still had it.

 
At March 30, 2006 8:40 PM, Blogger Lillee said...

Knee surgery..ouch. I will be praying for you. Great post btw

 
At March 30, 2006 9:22 PM, Blogger Motherkitty said...

All you guys, you are so wonderful. I'm teary-eyed from all your good thoughts. I so appreciate you in more ways than I can express right now.

Franny, yes, we have a laptop with wi-fi, and I have begged husband to bring it to the hospital with us so I can get online and post something. I don't know if he will do it though. He thinks it will mess up the hospital's equipment or something. We shall see. If he does bring it, he at least can get online while I'm in physical therapy.

I will certainly make notes so when I do get home I will be able to give you all the gory details. I'm undergoing this procedure with a spinal and conscious sedation, which means that I will be drowsy but not totally asleep, which also means that I will probably know some of what is going on in the OR. Having a medical background, I will likely find it all very interesting notwithstanding the sounds of ortho surgery. I'm sure I will be able to concoct one or more "interesting" posts about my hospital stay.

Ciardra, I will get you that information tomorrow and email it to you.

 
At March 31, 2006 2:55 AM, Blogger Cathy said...

I forgot to tell you. You don't have to worry about them getting the wrong knee. They must have asked me atleast 10 times that morning what knee was having the surgery. They also use a marker and write a large "NO" on the knee not being operated on. Then my surgeon came in and put his initials on the knee that was being operated on. I guess he was soon going to own it, why not claim it.

Has your OS said if you will go into a CPM (continuous passive motion) machine in recovery right after surgery? My Dr. ordered it, on 2 hrs. off 2hrs. for 24 hours a day..I had that machine on for 12 hrs. each day. I have heard alot of people say they are in it only 6 hrs. a day. Some not at all. I was just wondering.

As for shaving your legs, it will be challenging for awhile afterwards. The hardest thing for me was raising my leg to wash my foot. Your leg doesn't want to listen to the directions you give it for a few days. If that happens, it is short lived. No one told me that would happen and when I couldn't make my leg slide across the bed I thought something was seriously wrong. They finally told me it's completely normal for a while. A trick is to place your good foot under your ankle on the operated leg and use your good leg to raise and drag your other leg across the bed. You can also do this to help lower your bad leg to the floor. You will not want it to just drop down to the floor. You will want to beat up anyone who would allow it to do so.

One more thing I wanted to tell you. You will probably have alot of PT following this surgery. At 6 weeks my OS added pool therapy 3 days a week in addition to my clinic therapy. It was wonderful. It helped so much. The exercises are much easier to do in the water and it really strengthens your leg..your Quad will be weak so they will work alot on that muscle. PT mainly involves working on your bend. Your OS will most likely want your bend to be about 90 degrees on day of discharge from hospital. PT wants you to get to 120 degrees. It all takes awhile but just be patient and good things will come.

It won't be long now until arthritis pain in that knee will just be a memory..Won't that be wonderful?

 
At March 31, 2006 2:26 PM, Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

Motherkity...I have been reading all of your comments and, YOU are so very loved, by all of your many blogfriends.
The surgeon will have a lot of answering to do if he doesn't treat you nice!

From your "Favorite SIL"
<:)

 
At March 31, 2006 3:57 PM, Blogger Dreaming again said...

My mom had TKR in October, and THR in February ...

Good luck on your sugery!

I have shoulder surgery on Tuesday (4/4) surviving the 2 weeks before without prednisone or celebrex is harder than the surgery itself I swear!

 
At April 08, 2006 11:34 PM, Blogger Animal Anarchy said...

$30,000...
Crap! I don't make that much in a year!
Good luck to you and I'm sure everything will be just fine.
Peace,
The Cheesemeister

 

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