Monday, July 10, 2006

Are you a boomer, or have you already bombed?

I was reading the other day and they had an article on President Bush turning 60. He and a bunch of other well-known celebrities are now considered baby boomers. For those of us who have already surpassed that infamous mark, I bring you the following to make you feel right at home.

You know you're old when . . .

  • In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
  • It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
  • Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
  • No one expects you to run into a burning building.
  • People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
  • People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
  • There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
  • Things you buy now won't wear out.
  • You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
  • You can eat dinner at 4:00
  • You can live without sex but not without glasses.
  • You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
  • You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
  • You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
  • You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
  • You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
  • You got cable (or satellite) for the weather channel.
  • You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
  • You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
  • You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
  • You send money to PBS.
  • You sing along with the elevator music.
  • You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
  • Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
  • Your back goes out more than you do.
  • Your ears are hairier than your head.
  • Your eyes won't get much worse.
  • Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
  • Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
  • Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
  • Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
Getting older is not fun. In fact, once you quit working at a paying job, getting up in the morning is a job in itself. Do you have a routine for unwinding yourself and getting your bones moving again? Sometimes I feel as if half the morning is spent getting myself in a mood to open my eyes to say "good morning."

For those who are still young enough to call yourselves a baby boomer, enjoy it while you can. Pretty soon you won't be able to ride your mountain bike, get black belts in karate, hike up trails in the mountains, or swim forty laps in an olympic-size swimming pool. You will become like the rest of us old codgers -- being worried about unnatural leaks, going to restaurants, eating half your meal, and taking the rest home for supper, and hoping gravity doesn't make anything else fall on your body. You'll go through your day watching your step because the last thing you want to do is fall and break something.

I say "whoop-de-do" to those now turning 60. We've all returned to the '60s (metaphorically) except that now we can't wear our hair long as a lot of us don't have much hair left. We can't wear body paint anymore because it would just get lost in the wrinkles. If we wear love beads, they would weight us down too much (and those who have osteoporosis wouldn't want to fracture anything). We can still say "cool," but now it means we need a sweater. We can also say "groovy," but it means that we're in a rut and can't get out.

I know I'm getting old. Husband and I were in the pool the other day. We had the radio going out on the deck and the oldies-but-goodies station was playing music we love. All of a sudden we realized that the music they were playing was from the '50s and '60s and it's stuff that's 40-something and 50-something years old. Where did the time go? We were just getting with it and now all the music we like is a half-century old. Aaak.


At July 10, 2006 9:37 AM, Blogger Alipurr said...

well, that was really funny! I hope you don't mind coming to my WWIII war zone. Today I think it's Barbies & the baby dolls vs. the laundry. I say Aaaak, too. Don't we all say that no matter what age we are. We can be Bill the Cat and find something to Aaaaakkkk at. Ha Ha. Hey guess what? I did a cartwheel this week again. I also tried a backbend, oh wait I am supposed to call it a bridge. Mind you, it was one cartwheel. Do you remember doing cartwheel after cartwheel and ending up in the splits? Now that is funny.

At July 10, 2006 9:40 AM, Blogger Alipurr said...

Oh wait, that was a funny typo! I think I accidentally made it sound like you were doing all the cartwheels. I was talking about me. You probably did do cartwheels, though, when I was little. see you in a little while

At July 10, 2006 11:06 AM, Blogger Sue said...

Well, we're not quite to sixty yet, and some, but not all, of those things apply. I truly don't "feel old", but I realize that I just don't have the energy I once did. Thankfully our health is very good which makes a world of difference, I'm sure...
I'm glad to see you blogging more!

At July 10, 2006 6:11 PM, Blogger judypatooote said...

I hear ya girl, and I can relate to just about everything you mentioned.....but you seem to have for gotten the phase "Your not getting older, your getting better"
all I want to know is better than

Did you ever listen to the music that your kids grew up with and think that it was your music.... And when I see their girls friends that I haven't seen in a while, I can't remember whose friend it was, because now they all look the same

At July 10, 2006 9:10 PM, Blogger Franny said...

You are not old. You are young with experience! The good news is, we're all headed in the same direction, and no one is getting any younger!

I like to think that I have left a legacy in my children, and that because of that, I will go on forever. So, hey, we're eternal!

At July 10, 2006 9:21 PM, Blogger Cathy said...

I related to all of those things you mentioned...It was very depressing last night when I took the "real age" quiz. If my age isn't bad enough that quiz added 12.5 years to me. I thought that was supposed to be a feel good test? I think I might take it again an just lie about everything! All honesty did was age me significantly.

This was a fun post mother kitty...Thanks..:)

At July 10, 2006 10:04 PM, Blogger bornfool said...

I had a similar realization about a year ago. I began noticing that a lot of commercials on TV were playing Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin songs in the background. I thought to myself. Wow, these advertisers are finally playing some good music. Then a light bulb came on. Duh. The target audience is people my age. The advertisers didn't get hip. I just got old enough that people my age are supposed to be the ones with a lot of disposable income.

At July 11, 2006 5:34 AM, Blogger susan said...

You are only as old as you feel. I guess that was your problem earlier, with all your recovery from surgery, you felt older than you really were. But you are getting younger every day, feeling better, pulling weeds, blogging! Pretty soon you will be younger than me! Just wondering - do you have a red hat yet?

At July 11, 2006 5:10 PM, Blogger Neo said...

Kitty - LOL....

Awwwww, you're not getting older you're getting wiser. :)

I know, I know, it doesn't help ya much, but hey I bet you just smiled.

Thanks for the laughs.

Peace & Hugs,

- Neo

At July 11, 2006 8:21 PM, Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

Very good post Motherkitty but I think that once you recover fully from your knee surgery you will feel younger than you have felt in a long time.

We are all getting older together...nobody is getting younger that I know. Although we have reached those golden years, remember that medical science says we are physically 10 years younger than our parents were at this age.

I love it when they are playing our music.

At July 11, 2006 11:15 PM, Blogger LoriSchuster said...

this was very funny. thanks for the smile. I watched the original Poseiden Adventure the other day and I remember that my mom (Judypatoote) took my friends and I to see it on my 16th birthday...and then I realized that it was almost 30 years ago!!! good post.

At July 12, 2006 4:50 PM, Blogger Lee-ann said...

O! how true! (not that I am there yet! lol lol) But hubby is close to the big 60 :O)

You blog is great and I will come back to chat some more and enjoy your posts.

best wishes to you!

At July 15, 2006 9:16 AM, Blogger TUFFENUF said...

Hell, I don't care if I am older, I just wish that I had retired sooner! Good post Motherkitty, I love your blog, it always hits home with me.


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