Being a woman

Hello, dear blogpals. I have been thinking about you all a lot this past week. I have had a mild summer cold and have refrained from blogging during this time because my head felt like a stuffed melon. I am feeling much better today, thank you very much.

During this past week I have read all your blogs and have commented on several of them. I noticed this morning, however, an interesting, recurring theme pertaining to our sex. (No, I'm not referring to S.E.X, but to our gender. I might get to talking about S.E.X a little bit later, though, so stay tuned.)

What I'm referring to is what makes us unique as females. As I was cleaning my kitchen this Sunday afternoon (while husband sat in his La-Z-Boy watching NASCAR), I thought about the differences between the sexes. I also thought about two comments I read on two blogs. One had a picture of a homily that read "housework is evil". The other was a comment on a favorite blog about how it's the woman's responsibility to pass along a family's history. You can see where my mind is headed. The more I thought about the differences between the sexes, the more annoyed I got. I decided that the only way I could get rid of my hostility was to blog about it to the women I know, and that means YOU. So, let's discuss what makes us unique.

1. We make ourselves attractive for one purpose -- to get a mate and propogate.
2. Once we get that mate, we do everything in our power to keep that mate.
3. While we have that mate, most of us have kids (we also get to menstruate for most of our lives and bear the children in pain because of Eve and her temptress ways).
   
4. It now becomes our primary responsibility to take care of the kids, including educating them, cleaning up after them, and all the disgusting bodily fluids that come out of them, and doing their laundry.
5. Speaking of laundry, it is our primary responsibility to know how the washer, dryer, dishwasher, mop and bucket, refrigerator, and vacuum cleaner work, and how to take care of them.
6. For most of us, it is our responsibility to know how to manage our finances, balance the checkbook, pay the bills, make the deals, be the purchasing agent, be the human resources liaison, be the pacifier/peacekeeper, and be the good neighbor.
7. For most of us, it is our responsibility to shop.
8. For most of us, it is our responsibility to be the nurturer.
9. If anyone in our family becomes ill or disabled, it is our responsibility, because of our gender, to be the caregiver, again cleaning up all those disgusting bodily fluids.
10. It is our main responsibility to ensure that our houses are clean, the clothes are clean, the refrigerator filled, the meals cooked, the floors swept, vacuumed, and mopped, all the while dressing nicely with sexy clothes on.
11. It is our function as a female not to complain about our lot and to be charming and witty.
12. We bear our children and we raise them, through thick and thin, until they can survive on their own.
13. We are the archivists for our family -- taking, retaining, and catalogueing the family's history through pictures, videos, scrapbooks, and mementos -- and it's our responsibility to ensure that future generations are made aware of who those people are in all those photo albums (or in piles like at my house).
    
14. We are the cheerleaders for our husbands and children.
15. We are the supporters for those people outside our immediate family members who need financial aid and moral encouragement.
16. We are the party planners and the ones who ensure those attending the parties are having a great time (we are also the ones who get to shop for and clean up after the party).
17. We are the gardeners and florists.
18. And, finally, we are the sex goddesses for our mates whom we wish to keep at all costs.

Item number 18 is probably the most important item because without this attribute we wouldn't be endowed with items 1 through 17.

All the while we females are accomplishing these tasks, we sometimes forget who we really are and what aspirations we may have had growing up. Some of us worked during our adulthood, in addition to being a wife and mother, and some of us have been stay-at-home wives and mothers. One thing is clear, however, and that is we have all had full plates over the years.

There used to be an old television program, back in the day, called Queen For A Day. Some lucky lady would be selected as queen after the studio audience voted for her because of her sad story. She would be awarded something she wished for, like a new washing machine so she could wash more clothes more efficiently, and they would plop a crown on her head, place a bunch of red roses in her arms, and wrap a cape over her shoulders. All the while she would be crying like she was crowned Miss America. It was truly sad.

Women of the world, we should be crowned Queen For Life because of everything we do. Would we change anything in our lives? Some may say yes, and others would say they have the perfect life.

One thing is abundantly clear -- without us, life as we know it would not continue. Men would be lost without us. They would be wearing one brown and one black sock or no underwear because nobody washed any. There wouldn't be any food in the house and they wouldn't have any television because the satellite or cable bill had not been paid. Men would have to find someone else to listen to their stories and there would be no one to bicker with. In addition, making disgusting bodily sounds wouldn't be funny anymore because the wife wouldn't be there to listen to them.

So, women out there in the blogosphere, if this is your lot in life, be assured that you are not alone. That's why we blog, so we can commiserate with others who have to clean up disgusting bodily fluids and listen to bodily sounds when we would rather be getting a massage at a day spa from some sexy hunk like Fabio.