Monday, January 22, 2007

Blogging with a kitty in my arms

Today is early Monday afternoon, it's still wet outside after a weekend of rain, rain, rain, and I finally got dressed. It was oh, so tempting to remain in my nightgown, but I resisted and took a long, hot shower. While standing under that streaming water, I thought of Redneck Mommy's post and smiled. It would have been so easy to just stand there until the water heater was empty of nice hot water but I decided that I didn't want to end up looking like a prune.

I have spent the morning visiting a lot of you, reading your blogs, and sometimes leaving comments. I've had an opportunity to laugh some, to cry some, to feel good, and to commiserate. You are all such interesting people and I would love to stay and chat some more. But, now that I'm showered and dressed, I think I had better get up from the computer and actually do something constructive. I will leave you with this, however, and hope it gives you a little smile.

The Feline Diet

Panda Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people -- such as getting lots of table scraps -- most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!

DAY ONE

Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the .75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.

Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.

Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one wing. Leave the rest to die.

Bedtime snack: Steal one green bean from your spouse's or partner's plate. Bat it around the floor until it goes under the refrigerator. Steal one small piece of chicken and eat half of it. Leave the other half on the sofa. Throw out the remaining gourmet cat food from the can you opened this morning.

DAY TWO

Breakfast: Picking up the remaining chicken bite from the sofa. Knock it onto the carpet and bat it under the television set. Chew on the corner of the newspaper as your spouse/partner tries to read it.

Lunch: Break into the fresh French bread that you bought as your part of the dinner party on Saturday. Lick the top of it all over. Take one bite out of the middle of the loaf.

Afternoon snack: Catch a large beetle and bring it into the house. Play toss and catch with it until it is mushy and half dead. Allow it to escape under the bed.

Dinner: Open a fresh can of dark-colored gourmet cat food -- tuna or beef works well. Eat it voraciously. Walk from your kitchen to the edge of the living room rug. Promptly throw up on the rug. Step into it as you leave. Track footprints across the entire room.

DAY THREE

Breakfast: Drink part of the milk from your spouse's or partner's cereal bowl when no one is looking. Splatter part of it on the closest polished aluminum appliance you can find.

Lunch: Catch a small bird and bring it into the house. Play with on top of your down filled comforter. Make sure the bird is seriously injured but not dead before you abandon it for someone else to have to deal with.

Dinner: Beg and cry until you are given some ice cream or milk in a bowl of your own. Take three licks/laps and then turn the bowl over on the floor.

FINAL DAY

Breakfast: Eat 6 bugs, any type, being sure to leave a collection of legs, wings, antennae on the bathroom floor. Drink lots of water. Throw the bugs and all of the water up on your spouse's or partner's pillow.

Lunch: Remove the chicken skin from last night's chicken-to-go leftovers your spouse or partner placed in the trash can. Drag the skin across the floor several times. Chew it in a corner and then abandon.

Dinner: Open another can of expensive gourmet cat food. Select a flavor that is especially runny, like Chicken and Giblets in Gravy. Lick off all the gravy and leave the actual meat to dry and get hard.

15 Comments:

At January 22, 2007 1:40 PM, Blogger Alissa said...

Nice to see you around--I was wondering!

I think I'll stick with my human diet. I'm not generally a big fan of insects or lizard tails, even if I don't actually have to digest them... ;-)

 
At January 22, 2007 2:56 PM, Blogger Tomas Dennis said...

This is what happened last week. Except I had a coffee and a banana for breakfast.

 
At January 22, 2007 3:09 PM, Blogger Susie said...

It's nice to see you posting. I realized you were OK when I saw your comment on several of the sites I visited this morning. (I haven't seen you out and about for a while)
Loved the kitty diet!
xoxox

 
At January 22, 2007 7:25 PM, Anonymous medrecgal said...

As someone who's always owned at least one cat, I can totally relate to this...very funny in an EWWW!! sort of way. The kitty in your picture looks like one of mine did when he was very small.

 
At January 22, 2007 8:09 PM, Blogger Alipurr said...

ok, that is so funny. did you write that yourself? sounds just like your cats, ha ha

 
At January 22, 2007 9:02 PM, Blogger susan said...

Been there, done that! Now that the kids are gone, we are down to one cat, who no longer stays in the house for just some of the reasons you mentioned, well, worse really. You know when you step into a warm puddle in the carpet...

Anyway, great stuff to read about at someone else's house!

 
At January 24, 2007 8:25 PM, Blogger Nancy said...

Sounds like a no-fail diet to me, but I'm not that desperate to lose weight! :)

 
At January 24, 2007 11:28 PM, Blogger JUST A MOM said...

Cute I think I should have taken that long shower this morning. I could have missed out on all my kids drama.

 
At January 25, 2007 6:04 AM, Blogger jellyhead said...

Well now that you mention it, my jeans HAVE been feeling a bit tight. Perhaps this diet is the one for me (but do I HAVE to eat *six* bugs?)

 
At January 25, 2007 10:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well here's a diet I can finally lose those 15 pounds on. No wonder the cats throw up so much...so would I.

(What's wrong with blogger today? It won't let me leave comments).

Sandy
Abandoned in Pasadena

 
At January 25, 2007 6:59 PM, Blogger Rachel said...

LOL !! This sure is true of the cat's diet!! Anyone with cats has to appreciate this post!!

 
At January 26, 2007 12:25 PM, Blogger Franny said...

Very funny!

 
At January 26, 2007 3:38 PM, Blogger Kerri said...

You've turned me off food for at least a half hour :) That should help a bit!
Good to see you posting MK.
Hope you're staying warm. We're freezing here in NY!

 
At January 27, 2007 8:18 AM, Blogger Sharon said...

I love the kitty picture!

 
At February 12, 2007 4:49 PM, Blogger Barbee' said...

Brings back memories! LOL

 

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